


Deathless Death

by Makizushi



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Body Horror, F/M, HIC does not play much less play nice, Helmsman, Other, Psychological Horror, Sadstuck, Song Lyrics, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-27
Updated: 2015-01-27
Packaged: 2018-03-09 08:22:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3242840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Makizushi/pseuds/Makizushi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>My lover’s got humor</i>
  <br/>
  <i>She’s a giggle at a funeral</i>
</p><p>They moved together; he moved Her across the galaxy and She moved him through eons.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Deathless Death

**Author's Note:**

> Songfic set to "Take Me To Church" following the horrific un-life of The Psiioniic after being installed as the Helmsman of the Battleship Condescension.
> 
> [Tsunamayo Makizushi's Writing Tumblr](http://tsunamayo-makizushi.tumblr.com)

_My lover’s got humor  
She’s a giggle at a funeral_

The memories possessed him. He watched the cause die screaming, surrounded by hateful shrieks and gales of laughter. Her laughter carried Love itself to its grave, and rocked decency to sleep in the minds of what could be generously described as people. Her smile cut the world to pieces and remade it into a shape more pleasing in Her sight. She dismembered a prophet’s life's work and threw a dance party decorated with strings of its mutilated corpse, laughing like a child.

_She knows everybody’s disapproval  
I should have worshiped her sooner_

Those who opposed her fell to the wayside where only blood and horrors resided. Her mind invaded his, commanded “Love Me,” and he obeyed. Loving Her was like drowning. He knew what it was like to dedicate his soul to a movement, and to devote his heart to another troll, but for Her nothing but slavish adoration bordering on piety would suffice. Love beyond quadrants became more than an ideal; She made it his twisted reality.

_If the heavens ever did speak  
She’s the last true mouthpiece_

The whispers of the universe echoed in Her hair, and in the monstrous living engine they fused him with. When the memories left him and She called him to duty, old, dripping, wrathful gods used him like fuel to carry Her through space and time. They obeyed Her, and so did he. The End of the Universe sang Her to sleep in Her watery cradle before the constellations had names. She spoke with the authority of eldritch abominations behind her; obedience was her birthright.

_Every Sunday’s getting’ more bleak  
A fresh poison each week_

When the memories left him and She called him to duty, the coils of the universe unraveled from his body and She wrapped Herself around him in their stead. He loved Her, and he loved her, and he _hated_ her like burning. Soft touches and hurried breath tainted his cadaver with poison he could not live with, did not want to survive. He sickened under her ministrations and prayed the decay of age he felt in his body was real.

_We were born sick  
You heard them say it_

She was the antithesis of everything Love preached. She was the disease that infected the soul of his kind, and Her sole purpose was to spread that malady to every inch of the universe. She oozed over it like slime and invaded it like a parasite. Fuchsia claws grasped reality itself and violently claimed it as Her plaything. She broke it to Her will, controlling it such that She would not even let it deteriorate and die.

_My church offers no absolution  
Tells me worship in the bedroom_

He remembered and he flew and he fucked without ever being sure of which was happening at any given moment. The helmsblock floated in space, unconnected to the rest of time. No matter how he pleaded nothing was granted to him. It did not matter what he begged for, and eventually his ability to ask was stolen. She gave him nothing, and in return She took ownership of everything he was and could ever become.

_The only heaven I’ll be sent to  
Is when I’m alone with you_

He waited to die, and waited to die, and writhed in Her grasp as he waited to die. She pushed into him, and he shivered with nausea from a stomach that no longer functioned. Skin rubbed against what he had once thought of as his body and he chased after the contact, after anything that was not loneliness and bloody reminiscence. He hated that She forced him to feel when death was all he was capable of wanting. Sparks and fluid flowed out of him. Obsession and cold slurry flowed in. She was mad and rambling, and suddenly he knew that his burgeoning insanity would eventually be Hers. They dove in together.

_I was born sick, but I love it  
Command me to be well_

Death avoided his calls and spurned his advances. Mortality was forcefully ripped from his grasp and it was that final rape that broke him. Health stripped him of hope and the long years of his life trailed behind him like so much forgotten dust. Life stretched out before him; an ocean of time with unknowable length and depth, concealing monstrosities he could not even imagine. Person-hood became a distant concept that had little to do with him. Only love of Her remained. He obeyed.

_Amen, amen, amen, amen_

* * *

_Whenever the Condesce remembered the Helmsman’s existence she paid it a visit. Though many helmsmen only lasted for a few moments, she generously used her own healing powers to keep this one alive. It was quite lovely, and powerful, and served as a special memento of her very favorite crushing victory. She brushed tendrils of the helmscolumn aside and woke the thing’s dormant body. She decided to take a quick repast while recharging it for another couple dozen sweeps._

* * *

_If I’m a pagan of the good times  
My love is the sunlight_

The stars and planets sang the litany of Her deeds and he cried out in reverence and horror of Her, and what he helped Her accomplish. They moved together; he moved Her across the galaxy and She moved him through eons. Like the sun of his childhood She burned everything in sight and sent Her unfortunate conquests into hiding with Her mere presence. They flew on, chasing Life’s quest to control Death.

_To keep the goddess on my side  
She demands a sacrifice_

After so much time had passed, believing that he had ever been real seemed like a stretch. No, his body was a ship, and his mind was a machine She had built. He gave up the twitching, the mess, and the once painful stories he told himself of Love and the possibility of death. He gave up being and She was content with his service.

_Drain the whole sea  
Get something shiny_

He was called back to awareness of himself. The End of All Things was in danger and She raced home to confront the threat. Furious tirades spat into his mouth revealed that followers of Love walked Alternia, leaving bloody footprints where they tread. She hurt him and demanded knowledge. She hurt him and demanded he stop laughing. She hurt him and asked for nothing in return.

_Something meaty for the main course  
What a fine looking high horse_

As ever She delighted in destroying rare and beautiful things that were not Herself. He did not see the cavalreaper’s wings presented to Her as a prize, but he still recognized the death rattle of a rebellion. Jealousy for those who died heroes, and those who died villains, and those who simply died consumed him once more.

_What you got in the stable?  
We’ve a lot of starving faithful_

He learned that Love’s murder weapon had become a Symbol; tortured screaming gilt silver and shaped to be worn on a necklace by children and fools. She fed their idealism into the gaping maw of the people she had carefully corrupted, and smiled as they destroyed their last chance at salvation. She came to him bloody and joyous, demanding they fly to confront the very gods that raised her.

_That looks tasty  
That looks plenty_

Through time beyond imagining he dreamed the many deaths of his Love. Truly vivid, multisensory memories; the vibrant red, the crackling sizzle, the smell of hot meat and bone. All assaulted him when the edges of the universe sang its madness into the remains of his soul. He screamed, and screamed, and screamed but could not drown out the wailing and the whimpering of the only trolls who had ever treated him like a person. The malicious emptiness of space called out and consumed his insanity until he became less than a thing.

_This is hungry work_

* * *

_Power. The divine right to rule. It stemmed from her very being, and from that which raised her and called her daughter. The filth dared to threaten Gl'bgolyb. Every single one of them died, pathetically weak in the end for all their imagined strength, and she tenderly fed their carcasses to her mother herself. This could never happen again. She could trust no one but she also could not stay on Alternia and defend the Emissary to the Horrorterrors herself. All of the adults, anyone that could pose even the slightest threat, needed to be removed and controlled. She banished every troll over 9 sweeps into space, and set engineers working on ways to maintain the home-world as a nursery for her kind. Everything was under control. No, everything was **better** now. She would have thanked the impetuous rebels if any of them had escaped the culling fork and the gullet of her monstrous mother. Pity._

* * *

_No masters or kings when the ritual begins  
There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin_

The only times he knew himself to exist, even as an object, were when She deigned to visit. Nearly all of the other trolls on the ship succumbed to the ravages of time but not Her, and not Her Helmsman. Monstrous fuchsia appendages pulled out of him, other equally horrific fuchsia appendages slipped in. He tried not to be there when She came for him, but the wealth of energy forced into his body made him aware of squelching, meaty extremities he had forgotten owning. But that was ridiculous, only She owned anything so it was none of his business what She did with Her property.

_In the madness, in the soil of that sad earthly scene  
Only then I am human, only then I am clean_

The differences between Her and the helmscolumn blurred in the gnawed upon shreds of his mind. An eldritch goddess life-support system, dripping pink, penetrated his corpse and forced him to live a deathless, eternally dying existence. He was part of Her, and She was the Universe in all its rot and cutting brilliance. His body, his true body of metal and flashing speed, was Her decadent shrine and the seat of Her power. He encompassed Her and She encompassed him and together they worshiped.

_Amen, amen, amen, amen_

Take me to church

* * *

_Death, it turned out, flitted not in the farthest reaches of space, but waited patiently at home for her return. Furious anger coursed through her veins; how DARE they interfere with her people and cause the Reckoning? The trip to Alternia was going to be miserable without even a warm little battery to keep her entertained. It would be worth it in the end, when she and the Handmaiden finally met face to face._

* * *

_I’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies  
I’ll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife_

Her smile was sharp, and she was probably one of the most dangerous trolls alive, but her royalty belied her sweet nature. Curled up with her Sollux felt happier, less burdened than he had in ages. He died for her because it had been the right thing to do, but when she brought him back to life she accomplished more than reanimating his body. He lived for her strength and the bright kindness she showered in her wake. Her mouth opened over his, she asked “Love me?” And he did.

_Offer me that deathless death  
Oh good god, let me give you my life_

**Author's Note:**

> This is the kind of completely self-indulgent nonsense I get up to in-between writing actual prompts and story lines. I know a lot of people don't like songfic, but I think broken narratives are perfect for depicting slow descent into insanity.
> 
> The version of Take Me To Church by Neon Jungle that inspired the fic can be found [here.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ya46q6ALt9Q)
> 
> Wanna ask me questions? Prompt me things? See other stuff I write? Come hang out with me on my writing tumblr: [Tsunamayo Makizushi's Writing Tumblr](http://tsunamayo-makizushi.tumblr.com)


End file.
